


The Natural Scientists

by DatabaseMage



Category: League of Legends, Log Horizon
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Crossover, Crossover Pairings, Curiosity killed the cat, Dark Crack, Don't copy to another site, Humor, I Also Don't Know If This Qualifies As Graphic Depictions Of Violence, I Don't Know If This Qualifies as Sex, I Don't Know If This Should Have No Warnings Or All of Them, League of Legends Lore Has Been Modified, MMORPGs, Other, Science Experiments, Spoilers for the Abyssal Shaft raid, Tentacles, The Author Regrets Nothing, This probably qualifies as crack, Very Polite Scientists, Xenophilia, Your Friendly Neighborhood Tentacle Monster, horror-fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:09:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24036394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DatabaseMage/pseuds/DatabaseMage
Summary: When a wandering raid boss destroys a quarter of the Abyssal Shaft raid in one hit, Shiroe tries to distract him from the survivors.Fair warning: when I wrote this for WtFK, neither my own team nor the organizers were able to determine whether this text included any of the following: sex; violence; both sex and violence; neither sex nor violence. But it was given a rating of R anyway, so beware - inhumane experiments ahead!League of Legends lore has been toyed with quite heavily.
Relationships: Shiroe/Vel'koz
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	The Natural Scientists

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Естествоиспытатели](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/616144) by Werekat. 



_"Analysis is the art of creation through destruction.” P. S. Baber_

"All right, this one looks good!"

Shiroe scampered into a crevice in the cave wall and pressed himself up against the stone, trying to catch his breath. The creature he was trying to evade - something like a gigantic airborne octopus, albeit with a huge violet eye taking up most of its head and a mere three tentacles - was still gaining on him.

Some few minutes ago, this kraken - most certainly not another reskin! - silently swam onto their battlefield while Shiroe's raid had been giving the third raid boss of the Abyssal Shaft yet another try. It immediately came up against their artillery: a group made up largely of mages and archers. The Silver Swords played it smart: called for a tank and prepared to evade the add. However, they were not fast enough. The kraken cleaved them with a scintillant violet ray, and the raid's artillery was instantly disintegrated, leaving no space for combat resurrections.

After losing a quarter of the raid team, there was no hope of continuing, and Shiroe ordered a retreat, throwing a quick Astral Bind onto the creature. The kraken shivered slowly in the chains, as if trying to escape, but even as he ran, Shiroe thought of how those attempts looked surprisingly unhurried.

He did not have the time to dwell on it any further. The raid ran, and Shiroe ran with it.

The remaining three quarters of the raid escaped the trap and were now trying to get the bosses to deaggro, leading them on a merry chase around the labyrinth.

"Shiroe!" William was behind him, covering the raid's retreat. "We lost one, but that octopus is still following and gaining!"

Shiroe's heart skipped a beat, and he slowed his pace. If the kraken was following despite everyone using their aggro dumps, it could only mean one thing.

"It doesn't deaggro. And I took aggro when I rooted it," the enchanter felt a cool chill crawl up his skin. "While I'm in the raid, the raid has aggro."

"Any ideas, Strategist?"

"I leave the party, you retreat."

"Are you nuts?!" Naotsugu shouted into voice. "It'll eat you!"

"Let's have one respawn rather than eighteen. William, do you copy?"

"Roger," the raidleader said after a brief pause. "Where do we split?"

"Here."

A convenient turn was just up ahead. Shiroe stopped and let the raid disengage. When the last of them vanished into the tunnel, he shouted:

"Astral Chaff!"

A silver fog flooded the tunnel. Even the raid had drawn any of aggro before, he was now the only one unaffected by the spell, and they - they were safe.

The fog also had the advantage of making it harder for Naotsugu to find him - and he would try, if Shiroe knew his tank at all. "Don't you da-!"

But the enchanter left the raid and could no longer hear the rest of Naotsugu's angry rant. Instead, Shiroe flung himself down the side tunnel. He needed to gain some distance, and then...

And then try out as many spells as he possibly could on the kraken. If he had to die, he would wring as much information out of that death as he could.

That primal fear still sent chills down his spine. But the years of experience helped: even through the fear Shiroe's practiced eyes looked for a convenient spot. _Who knows_ , he mused to himself, _perhaps I'll stumble on some sort of bug I can use to hold it off, at least until the others respawn?_

Finally, he found a crevice. _Well, it's not like I have my pick of places to die anyway..._

When the echo of his footsteps died down, the cave went silent. The kraken made no sound as it floated through the air, and only the eerie purple glow on the far wall, growing stronger by the moment, told Shiroe that the boss still hadn't lost aggro and would soon be here.

_Five,_ the enchanter counted. _Four, three..._ The glow became brighter, almost blinding. _Two..._

"Cast On Beat! Haste! Reflex Boost!"

Magic flowed under Shiroe's skin and time slowed down. The enchanter concentrated, preparing for his debuff rotation. A single tentacle slowly floated into view, followed by the humongous eye, larger than Shiroe himself...

_One!_

"Brain Vice! Mind Shock! Nightmare Sphere!"

The creature reared, emitting a vociferous cry, and surged upwards. Shiroe poked a head out of his shelter: the kraken was swimming in slow circles near the ceiling. Every single debuff had gone through.

"Astral Bind! Thorn Bind Hostage! Electrical Fuzz! Pulse Bullet!"

The bound creature dropped like a stone, keening, and thrashed about in its bindings. The debuffs went through yet again - but Shiroe had barely scratched it otherwise.

_Good enough!_ Shiroe darted behind the kraken to evade its purple eye and disintegrating ray. _If by some miracle it can be slept, this will be much simpler than I could imagine!_

"Astral Hypnos!"

But the kraken did not fall still, instead striking at Shiroe with a tentacle. He even managed to evade the first one, but a second tentacle caught him in its tight grip. Shiroe immediately regretted casting haste spells on himself while slowing the kraken: the long seconds in which it carried him up to that violet eye were torture in and of themselves.

_Well, this is it_ , Shiroe thought, looking into that great iris. _Time for me to find out what it's like on the other side._

The seconds flowed as slow as molten glass. Yet the disintegrating ray failed to appear.

_Did... Did it just freeze?_

As if in response to Shiroe's thoughts, a deep, velvet voice suddenly spoke.

"That was... Extraordinary, human. I would much appreciate a reprisal of what you did to me."

Belatedly, Shiroe understood: the kraken had been waiting for his slows to fall off in order to speak clearly.

While the strategist frantically searched for some sort of answer for this talking raid boss, the kraken tilted its head in a gesture that could only be - at least Shiroe could've sworn it could only be that! - a polite question.

"Ah," the kraken finally said, "I understand. Replicating lifeform etiquette routine, procedure 'acquaintance'. My name is Vel'koz, the Eye of the Void. I am a seeker of knowledge - and as one seeker to another, I must express my utmost admiration for your methodology. The tests you have administered upon me were quite thorough in testing my responses to certain kinds of abilities."

Shiroe's mind went blank, so he ventured: "I'm... glad you liked it."

The kraken shivered, clutching the tentacle around Shiroe a little tighter.

" _Like_ is an all too weak word, seeker," the suave voice took on a wistful sound. "In that very first moment I felt almost as if I were home, wrapped in the darkness of the Void... How would you humans express this?.. Ah." A drop of the same violet substance that the eye was made of formed between the kraken's eye ridges. The kraken inclined his head and the drop fell upon the stone below, bubbling and hissing as it ate through the material.

"In that very first moment... You mean when I used Brain Vice?"

"Yes, that was the incantation. Such a wonderful feeling, is it not?"

Shiroe knew the sensation - in fact, he had requested a demonstration from another friendly enchanter, just so he knew what his abilities felt like - and he most certainly did not agree. Brain Vice was... Shiroe felt like his head was a walnut about to be crushed by a nutcracker.

But Vel'koz was looking at him with what was almost a silent plea.

"Any pleasure that spell may bring must necessarily depend on the physiology of the one experiencing it," Shiroe said politely.

"That much is true, unfortunately," the kraken sighed. "You humans are such a... Fragile species. Your bodies are simple, they lack in evolutionary capacity, and so you are unable to indulge in these delights. It is unfortunate. I would have liked to share them with you, seeker."

"Let's not talk about me," Shiroe said quickly. "You asked to experience that same spell again, correct?"

"Yes," the kraken's shivering turned to shakes. "Do not misunderstand me, seeker... I have not been home for so long."

"Perhaps we could strike a bargain of some kind?"

_My life would be a good trade, for one!_

The kraken covered his eye with a tentacle thoughtfully.

"You must understand, seeker, that I cannot abandon my final study of you. The search for knowledge is the very essence of my existence. No bliss could ever replace it."

_Or maybe not._

But Shiroe never did give up easily.

"Then why should I accommodate you?" The enchanter asked bluntly.

"It is true that, as things stand, you have nothing to gain," Vel'koz agreed unexpectedly. "But perhaps there are more studies would wish to enact upon me before I engage in my final study of you? Then we can both satisfy our desire for knowledge."

_Well, if dying really is inevitable, I can at least learn as much as I can. But maybe even death can be fooled!_

"There are some studies I haven't yet enacted, this is true," Shiroe replied.

"Then name your price, and let the Great Exchange between minds commence!" Vel'koz announced as if conducting a solemn rite.

"Could you perhaps put me down first?"

The kraken gingerly lowered Shiroe onto the stone. The enchanter breathed in deeply, adjusted his glasses, and began:

"First of all, I am interested in the effects my abilities have on you. You will let me conduct as many trials as I need upon you. None of them will be final, I promise that."

"Naturally," Vel'koz said amicably. "You lack the senses for a final study proper. I agree to this; moreover," the kraken soared up and did a loop, "I am greatly looking forward to it. Anything else?"

"Second, you will help me study this dungeon and the properties of its gigantic denizens."

"Ah, I do remember disrupting your own research. Still, your aides should not have switched subjects mid-way... Very well, I agree to help. What is your research plan?"

"You will distract them, and I will watch their reactions and, from time to time, test my magic. I trust you will not let me die... Prematurely?"

"Naturally not. _You_ I wish to study personally."

Shiroe winced.

_Hopefully, one of the other bosses too much for him to bite off... Does he even have a mouth, though? Too much for him to tear off with his tentacles, then?_

The kraken asked: "Is that all?"

"Yes. We can start like this: I will do half of my tests before, and the other half after we explore the dungeon. Even should things go wrong, you will have what you desire - as well as a reason to aid me."

"A reasonable plan," the kraken said favorably and spread all his three tentacles in an inviting gesture. "I am in full agreement. You may begin, seeker."

In his innermost thoughts, Shiroe could admit that he was indeed being plagued by an unhealthy curiosity. _Nothing to see here,_ he thought, _I'm just minding my own business,_ _petting the raid boss like a stray three-tentacled cat_. And pet the raid boss Shiroe did: with the most powerful combat spell - which was also the most painful spell - in his repertoire.

"Brain Vice!"

This time Vel'koz did not ascend to the ceiling, instead opting to remain floating in front of Shiroe. Yet he still emitted that supernatural vociferous cry, in which Shiroe now could discern clear notes of pleasure. Vel'koz's eye thrashed wildly in its socket, and his tentacles shuddered and lashed out, contracting and relaxing uncontrollably.

The effect lasted an entire ten seconds.

_Quite a long time for a boss. I wonder if he can be perma-mezzed._

"Would you like me to repeat that?"

"Ye-e-es," moaned Vel'koz in a clearly satisfied tone. "And... Add that purple sphere to it. And that spell with the thorns."

Shiroe did as requested, and was rewarded with the sight of a swooning octopus. The thorns did not seem to inconvenience Vel'koz at all. To the contrary, the kraken writhed and squirmed to scratch his own tentacles and ceratoid ridges around the eye. The combination of Brain Vice and Nightmare Sphere turned the vociferous polyphony into an unintelligible gurgling that obviously signified pleasure.

The tests, conducted as they were in mutual accordance, took a very long time. Long enough for Shiroe to learn the scope of the effects he could produce down to several hitpoints. This would give him an excellent approximation of Vel'koz's parameters once he could finally systematize his notes! This familiar work gave him confidence, even despite the several times Shiroe had to duck to avoid an instinctively writhing tentacle. The powerful blows easily destroyed walls, breaking great lumps of granite off as if they were clay.

Hours passed, but nobody came for Shiroe. _So William managed to hold Naotsugu back after all. Good._ It was strangely empty without friends at his side, but right now Shiroe wanted this emptiness. There was something mesmerizing to conducting solitary experiments upon a creature dozens of times more powerful than Shiroe himself... Even if he did have said creature's good will and aid.

In those minutes where Shiroe waited for his cooldowns to come back up, he listened to Vel'koz detail his sensations with great relish. The kraken even proposed new ways of using the spells, some of which Shiroe hadn't even imagined yet. Vel'koz allowed him to test all of them, even the direct attacks, on whatever parts of his body Shiroe wanted to apply them to - even on the most sensitive one, his great eye. Even when it seemed to Shiroe that Vel'koz was crying out from pain rather than pleasure, the kraken's subsequent analysis was calm, detailed, and full of eager curiosity.

Besides, the cries of pleasure were much more numerous.

"Oh seeker," Vel'koz rumbled, heartfelt, after yet another debuff rotation. "It is my deepest conviction that the Void itself has gifted you with your powers, even if you are unaware of it!"

"The Void is your home, correct? Does it lie at the bottom of the Abyssal Shaft?"

Vel'koz rumbled and bubbled, shaking slightly. Shiroe already knew that was how he imitated human laughter.

"There is no shaft so deep that it would lead to the Void, seeker. The Void lies beyond the edges of any world, of course."

Shiroe's pulse quickened. What sheer luck!

_So he's not really a raid boss? Or is this just his fluff?_

"Have you been here long?"

"Not very," Vel'koz replied amicably. "I haven't even had the chance to explore this subspace fully when I found you. It is truly unusual luck to meet a creature well-versed in the art of measurement so quickly in a new world! Usually one has to disassemble dozens of species before one finds an entity of value."

"Do you travel between worlds often?"

"That is my function," the kraken said proudly. "I am a collector of information an explorer of worlds, and there is nothing more valuable to me than knowledge. I have been in many places and analyzed many lifeforms." One tentacle rose and pointed at his giant eyeball. "And now that knowledge is preserved here, and thus in the great Void itself."

"Are you planning to stay long?"

"Until I decide that my knowledge of this world is sufficient."

Shiroe gulped and his fingers gripped his staff tighter. His own death was one thing; at worst he would die and awaken in the Cathedral like all Adventurers. But should Vel'koz escape this instance... How many People of the Land will perish before the Adventurers can stop him? The enchanter glanced at his display discreetly. His status was still "in combat", thus preventing any teleportation as well as leaving the instance.

"Does this bring you distress?" Vel'koz asked sympathetically. "My presence is often discomfortable for other lifeforms. It is strange that it would disturb you, however. Judging by the properties of this subspace, you have little to worry about."

"What do you mean?" The enchanter mustered all his willpower to collect himself. Shiroe set aside thoughts of catching a giant kraken with a ray of disintegration all over the Yamato server's airspace and focused on his collocutor.

"This subspace is very much like the Fields of Justice, on the last world which I studied," Vel'koz knit two tentacles together, imitating arms crossed upon an invisible chest, and spoke slowly, as if he were drawing out the knowledge from an uncooperative memory. "Creatures appropriately attuned to it should naturally reconstitute themselves at specially-prepared points. It is possible to take them apart down to the molecule, but they will simply reassemble again. A very convenient circumstance for the researcher, allowing easy replication of experiments."

Shiroe's mind was reeling. _He knows what a respawn is. Are there more worlds like this one? Or is he actually from this world and simply doesn't know it?_

Questions, questions, questions. And he had yet to ask the most important one.

"How do you move from world to world?"

"I'm afraid I cannot explain this to a creature which exists in a mere four dimensions," Vel'koz said sadly. "You simply do not possess the necessary organs. But I do think your abilities may hold a key to such travel... Although for you it will be that much harder."

"I will think about how it can be done," Shiroe said carefully. "Once I am restored after your experiments."

"Do come by, seeker," Vel'koz waved a friendly tentacle. "I will always be happy to share the pleasures of research with you."

"Speaking of research. Shall we move on to the dungeon?"

"Just one more use of the Viсe, then. Then we may go... Ah!"

Shiroe posited that were Vel'koz in possession of a mouth, it would now be relaxing into a stupid satisfied grin. Instead, the kraken simply went limp, slowly undulating his tentacles in the air about him. Once the kraken came to, he slowly extended one tentacle to Shiroe as if it were a ladder.

"Please ascend, seeker. I do believe you cannot fly under your own power?"

Vel'koz turned out to be an excellent partner for instance exploration. He could easily evade anything weaker than a raid boss via air, and his armored, supple tentacles defended Shiroe from any archers. The monsters' attacks actually relied on the same stats as the Adventurers', and Shiroe calmly and carefully jotted down not only the mob camps, but also Vel'koz's vulnerabilities to different types of attacks. Of course, those vulnerabilities were relative. Shiroe knew perfectly well that he would need a full raid to stand a chance against this alien from the Void.

Floating above yet another well, they exchanged ways of discovering hidden spaces. It turned out Vel'koz possessed something like a magical sonar, which reflected from thick walls and destroyed thin ones. Shiroe's map turned out to be quite incomplete. It looked like the creator of this dungeon made many false walls.

"This was different before," Shiroe said, finishing the detail on the map. "Secret doors - yes, but not entire hidden zones!"

"Are you done with your work, then?"

"Almost."

"May I have a copy of the map?"

"Certainly, but why would you want one?" Shiroe's surprise was genuine. "I don't see where you could possibly keep it."

"I can show you."

"Very well. Give me a little more time, then."

Upon finishing the copy, Shiroe handed it over to one tentacle's delicate point. Vel'koz brought the map up to his eye - and disintegrated it with a violet flash.

"I take it, this lets you know the map in some way?" Shiroe asked after a brief moment of silence.

"Oh yes," the alien replied. "Again, I find it unfortunate that I cannot show this to you as I see it. I disintegrate a thing or an entity, removing their outer shell layer by layer, and receive a response. This response tells me everything about what and how my subject is made, down to the indivisible particles. And so I can reproduce all that I have learned at any moment."

"Even the personality of an entity?

"By default I disassemble physical bodies. It is doable with personalities, but with such fragile creatures as humanoids one must usually choose what to copy."

"Oh."

"The creations of the Void are much different!" Vel'koz said spiritedly. "Oh seeker, if only your feeble body could know the full pleasure of analysis!"

"I wonder," Shiroe said softly. "Would the most powerful entities of this dungeon be suitable for your full analysis?"

For a few moments Vel'koz simply froze in the air. Then he murmured "I require a closer look" and struck the air with his tentacles, swiftly diving towards one of the Abyssal Shaft's lower levels.

He let Shiroe get off on a barely visible platform near the cave's ceiling, entirely unreachable by foot. He could watch the fight, but could not participate - and neither could he run. The first thing Shiroe did when Vel'koz moved to engage an actual boss was to check his status. No luck: the display still showed "in combat".

_Should I just jump?_ The enchanter wondered, watching Vel'koz tangle with Ibrahabra. _I'm going to have to die anyway, there is no other way to leave while stuck in combat. Oh well. I can always do that later. But for now I might as well note any new attacks Ibrahabra has acquired..._

To Shiroe's disappointment, Vel'koz turned out to be a very careful combatant when fighting someone close to his own power. He kited and circled, using his air advantage to the fullest, and never fell for the same trick twice. The moment Vel'koz fell below half hit points, he simply retreated beyond the boss's lair and waited for his wounds to heal. He never let the boss enrage.

Shiroe had absolutely no chance of restraining him long enough for the boss to kill him. He already knew perma-mezzing wouldn't work, and Vel'koz did not once let his hit points get so low that one combined rotation from Shiroe and the raid boss would kill him.

_If we're going to have to fight him, it's going to be tough. This is PVP, not PVE. PVP against a raid boss. One hell of an achievement._

During one of their breaks, Vel'koz flew up to the platform.

"How is it going, seeker? Do you have the data you require?"

Shiroe still had one last idea.

"I'd still like to test my spells on him. And right now I'm too far."

The alien knitted his tentacles together in thought and fell silent for several seconds. Then he nodded.

"I know how it can be done. Ascend upon my brow."

This time he found a closer spot for Shiroe - but still one that was not easy to escape from.

"Give me a minute before you begin," the alien said and dived down to the boss.

And began kiting it with the skill of an excellent tank, shooting his violet rays from afar as necessary. Just enough to hold aggro while staying outside of Shiroe's reach.

_Yep. Definitely PVP._ Shiroe tried not to think about the fact that his time before the "final study" was running out fast. At most, he had a few hours remaining. _Oh well. At least I have the status effects for every boss and mob in here._

There were three more bosses in the dungeon, and by the time Shiroe was done with his notes, he was so tired that he didn't even notice how Vel'koz returned back to where they first met. Shiroe realized where they were only when a tentacle gently lifted him off Vel'koz's eyebrow and gingerly placed him before the violet eye's gigantic pupil.

_All right, I can rest when I'm dead,_ flickered through Shiroe's mind. But aloud he slowly said:

"I did promise you more tests."

Vel'koz slowly moved his eye from side to side, signifying a "that's not necessary."

"The day has been more than satisfactory... Unless you would like to test something else yourself."

"No... No, I'm also done."

Shiroe had frontloaded his tests, just in case Vel'koz didn't keep his word, and now he was far too tired to want to delay the inevitable. Despite that, Shiroe's heart beat like crazy. He wanted to fight - or flee, or do just about anything else rather than talk politely with the creature which was about to kill him!

"Then we can continue with the final study," and Vel'koz arched and reared up on his tentacles. A small violet light ignited within the depths of his pupil.

"I would just like to ask one more thing," Shiroe blurted out, stalling for time frantically. It was one thing to risk death in battle. Standing there waiting for incineration was a wholly different prospect.

"Yes, seeker?"

"You have told me that analysis is the highest bliss. But for us your analytic procedure is painful by its very nature. Isn't it the same for you? If you are the one who is being analyzed rather than the one conducting an analysis?"

Again, Vel'koz laughed his strange laugh.

"Ah, that puzzling property of lesser organisms: to distinguish between pain and pleasure! It took me a very long time to study this distinction. But in the end I have understood even that, and I have concluded that this difference significantly impedes your proclivity for understanding the universe. No, we Voidborn have no such divide. We may tire of the endless contact with the world, and then we come back to the Void, to rest. But the contact itself is always equally pleasurable."

"I plan to come back here. As you may have already noticed, this subspace is locked..."

"Naturally, I noticed," Vel'koz laughed. "And I know very well how this lock is connected with the lives of its inhabitants and intruders. So your research mission is to open this subspace, then?" Suddenly the eye was so close to Shiroe that he could extend a hand and touch it, and Vel'koz's voice rang in his ears like a warning bell. "Very well! I shall participate. It is an interesting venue of research, although your chances are... Less than zero. It is highly unlike that you will be able to analyze me sufficiently."

Shiroe adjusted his glasses and stared the eye right in the pupil.

"We'll see about that."

A few silent moments later, Vel'koz pulled back and up into the air. The kraken circled Shiroe slowly, as if getting a final look. Shiroe himself tried to still his anxiously beating heart.

_Even Toya and Minori have died,_ he reminded himself. _William has died, and Sojiro has died. And Rudy was dying - and he knew that he was dying forever. Their deaths were hardly any more terrifying than this._

Finally, Vel'koz settled down again in front of Shiroe. And offered:

"I do have an idea, seeker. In thanks for your contribution to my own studies, I can take apart your mind rather than your body. This will let me make the procedure painless." After a moment, the kraken added: "Although I myself am more interested in bodies at present."

_A painless death? Almost a kind of euthanasia... That doesn't sound so bad._

Shiroe was on the verge of agreeing. He did catch a glimpse how the bodies of his raid members turned to charcoal and dust under the relentless violet ray. The prospect was frankly terrifying - and yet there was an even more unpleasant possibility.

_What if he really does come from another world? And the laws of this one don't affect him the way they should? I know my anima will reconstruct itself. But what about my soul? What will happen if it's destroyed? I can't risk that!_

"If you are more interested in bodies, you should continue with your own experiment plan. I have nothing against that. After all, you have also been immensely helpful in my research," Shiroe said as evenly as he could. His body tensed: should Vel'koz suddenly decide to continue being "polite" against his will, he'll just have to slow him and run for the nearest cliff.

But Vel'koz gratefully replied:

"Seeker, my opinion of you grows ever higher. I shall continue on my course. All that remains is to select which physical method I will be using."

_Wait, what?!_

"Don't you normally use that purple ray of yours?"

"Human melting point remains... Inconsistent, regardless of experiment iterations," Vel'koz informed him wistfully. "Therefore, it is my conclusion that testing a new method is desirable. Coincidentally, you might also find it more pleasurable."

"Now hold on just a second!!!"

But Vel'koz had already gripped him with a tentacle, carefully yet firmly. The kraken slowly pulled the enchanter close to his single eye, as if the past near nychtemeron of experimentation was nothing more than a feverish dream.

_The disintegration ray is definitely preferable to a slow death!_

Shiroe could say nothing: the tentacle held much too tightly, leaving him almost no air. Vel'Koz slowly raised the tips of his other two tentacles to Shiroe's temples and touched them gingerly.

"I will not crush you," Vel'koz whispered. "Research requires good tentacle-eye coordination."

And something very much like an electrical current shot through Shiroe's body, forcing his back to arch. The tentacle held firm, but now it relaxed ever so slightly, allowing Shiroe to throw back his head.

There was no pain. Or rather, this could not be called pain. Instead, Shiroe's senses became unimaginably sharp, fighting each other for his attention. Touch won out. He felt everything: the way his sweater bit at his neck, the silk of his white robe pressed against his fingers, the cold cave wind on his face, the taut, slithering - damn it all, it was slithering this whole time! - flesh of the tentacle wound around his torso, hips and feet, and two more tentacles, still carefully latched onto his temples. All of this came together to form a single impetuous, deafening torrent of sensation.

Shiroe froze and tried not to move at all. Every new touch, even the lightest of breezes, overwhelmed him, shutting down his sight completely and almost all of his hearing. Somewhere on the fringes of his mind Shiroe heard someone moan quietly, desperately. Only once he finally managed to hold still for a while did he realize: he was the one moaning.

As if to compensate for the near blindness and deafness, his skin felt like one exposed nerve. The two upper tentacles slowly glided down Shiroe's face, drawing circles on his cheeks and touching his brows. This was sufficient to turn the moan into a scream.

"Yes. The experiment was a success." Even the quietest velvet whisper now cut like a merciless knife. "I have given you my senses. You won't last long this way; your body will not hold. But it shall be an interesting experience."

The tentacles gently released him onto a slab of stone. It was still impossible to move, but touching the stone was unbearable, and Shiroe arched again, relying only on his elbows and feet for support. This relieved him somewhat, and Shiroe even managed to force air through his lungs:

"Please... I... Can't..."

"And this is what you have done for me."

The tentacle's very point wandered from Shiroe's face to his heels, bringing with it sweet relief. It was not the relief of freedom from sensation, but the relief of having merely one thing to feel, dark and all-encompassing as it was. Before, Shiroe would have recognized it as unbearable pain - but now it was _rest_ , and Shiroe lowered himself onto the stone slab in exhaustion, fully giving in to the darkness.

It receded far too quickly.

"Please... I ask..." With an impossible effort, Shiroe rose up towards Vel'koz before the scintillant, brittle, razor-sharp flow of sensation began to drown him again. "I... I understand... Now..."

"You understand, and so I shall give you no relief," the voice felt like velvet torture against his ears. "It is not necessary to delay your body's inevitable betrayal. This will be quite enough. We shall see each other when you return for more research."

Shiroe had no more strength to hold on. He crashed back down upon the stones and screamed. On the edges of his consciousness, something screamed in unison with him, but whether it was a mere echo or a separate creature - that he could not discern.

***

The first thing that Shiroe felt as he awoke was the cold stone under his shoulder blades. His body jerked up almost on reflex, but suddenly he understood: it was stone. Plain and simple stone. And he no longer had to fear drowning in his own sensations.

Shiroe slowly inhaled and relaxed his tense muscles, smiling into the darkness. He didn't quite yet dare to open his eyes. However, he did hear a voice:

"Shiroe! Shiroe, can you hear me?! Shiroe!"

"Nao...Tsugu?"

Someone grabbed him by the shoulders, shook him a little and then enclosed the enchanter in a proper bear hug.

"Shiroe, you goddamn idiot! I'm so happy to see you! Where the hell have you been?!"

"Naotsugu..." Shiroe felt for his friend's shoulders and latched on to them, pressing his face into the hug. Naotsugu was simply Naotsugu: he smelled of leather and metal armor, his hands were firm, and his mere presence served to reassure Shiroe. He had never been quite so glad to see his tank.

Steps sounded upon the stone, and another concerned voice spoke from somewhere above Shiroe.

"What took you so long, Strategist? You were missing for more than a day and a night. People thought the instance ate you. Was the afterlife really that bad?"

"Lay off, Massachusetts!" Naotsugu growled. "Give him some space, will you?"

"I'm all right, Naotsugu," Shiroe raised his head and smiled at the tank. If Naotsugu's expression was anything to go by, the tank did not believe him. "I've got news, too. Good and bad. William, we need all our tacticians. Could you announce a meeting?"

William frowned and kneeled next to the duo, speaking quietly enough to save them from any accidental spying:

"Give me a brief rundown now."

"Massachusetts, I told you to lay off!"

"Naotsugu, it's fine." The tank fell silent, removed a hand and scooted so that William could join their little team huddle. Still, he kept one hand around Shiroe's shoulder, propping him up, and the enchanter gratefully leaned back onto it. Then Shiroe adjusted his glases and began: "First piece of bad news: that creature which intruded on our fight is about equivalent to a raid boss in strength."

"A wandering raid boss?" William swore. "If he crashes any more boss fights, we're dead. We gotta take the fight to him and take him out first."

"Second piece of bad news: this won't be easy. He's sentient."

"What do you mean, 'sentient'?" William frowned skeptically.

"That he's a strategist, and equal to me or Krusty in that regard."

Naotsugu just stared at Shiroe.

"You're kidding, right?"

The enchanter merely shook his head.

William's frown deepened. Then he asked:

"All right. What's the good news, then?"

Shiroe opened his enchanted bag, and withdrew a dozen scrolls, which he offered to William.

"Maps, including hidden locations and mob placement. Boss status effect durations: we can work out their stats from those. Mob and boss vulnerabilities. Boss attack timelines and cooldowns."

Two pairs of astonished eyes stared at the enchanter.

"Where the hell did you get all this, Strategist?" William unfurled one scroll after the other, shaking his head in disbelief. "Whose soul did you sell for this?"

"N-nobody's," Shiroe stammered. A cold shiver ran down his spine, and Naotsugu clasped his shoulder in a reassuring gesture. "But this was how I spent my time in the instance. That's all. We have a chance with all this."

William got up, cradling the pile of maps and notes in his hands.

"Then I'm gonna get going. Join us when you feel up to it, Strategist." Shiroe nodded, feeling a wave of exhaustion wash over him again. William took several steps away from him and Naotsugu, and then turned to say: "I'm glad you're with us again."

"Thank you."

And William disappeared into the camp, leaving Shiroe and Naotsugu alone.

The tank gave his enchanter a stern look and then sighed.

"I think you're leaving a lot unsaid. But that's something for later, anyway. Can you walk?"

"Yeah."

"Then c'mon," Naotsugu got up first and stretched a hand to Shiroe. "You should eat something."

Shiroe grabbed onto his friend's hand and hoisted himself up.

**Author's Note:**

> This was probably my favorite text from WtFK - a challenge to write, to be sure! 
> 
> The translated version is different in small ways from the Russian version. The biggest change is using "seeker" instead of "colleague", because English simply doesn't use "colleague" as an informal/friendly way to address a specific person.


End file.
